Actually I am again reading my blog after some 2 years...
Used to love it when I used to blog.. Because i could speak whatever I felt.. I have returned back after 2 years.. Hopefully wiser.
In a sad continuation of what was with my beautiful. We broke up in 2011.
Since then i have been a deadman walking. We broke up due to my timidness, due to me thinking more of what would happen and whether I can handle it.. rather than thinking how awesome my life would have been with my beautiful.
I am working.. Earning reasonably well for myself. Staying in Hyderabad my hometown. Everything should be fine right.. Well it is not. The smile I wear at office, the smile i wear with friends my expressions of happiness everything is a mask. I am a deadman walking and I have a plastic smile.
I have diverted my attention cracking through UPSC prelims in my first attempt and also hopefully mains too.. I have often felt vengeful, anger and frustration. I have felt snarly. But I can never bear to harm anything my beautiful has or loved. I will continue to live with her memories hoping that someone will come in future and wipe those memories clean. I hope someone pulls me out of the mess I am in. There is something which pushes me away from every women I meet so that I now often end up in friends or brother zone rather than the lovers zone :P
I have actually lost the ability to indulge in sweet talk and making women feel comfortable.. All any women gets even if they speak politely is a gruff yes, no or similar single worded reply. Not that i hate them but it is just that they bring me back to my beautiful.
My beautiful I have never loved anyone like i loved you.. But as you were not destined to be mine nor I yours..well we broke up amicably.. But there is a large space in my heart that became empty. Surely someone will come to fill the spot up. I just hope that they don't find it too untidy or cluttered with sadness and madness :)
Taking Leave and hopefully finding a way to write optimistic posts again .
Used to love it when I used to blog.. Because i could speak whatever I felt.. I have returned back after 2 years.. Hopefully wiser.
In a sad continuation of what was with my beautiful. We broke up in 2011.
Since then i have been a deadman walking. We broke up due to my timidness, due to me thinking more of what would happen and whether I can handle it.. rather than thinking how awesome my life would have been with my beautiful.
I am working.. Earning reasonably well for myself. Staying in Hyderabad my hometown. Everything should be fine right.. Well it is not. The smile I wear at office, the smile i wear with friends my expressions of happiness everything is a mask. I am a deadman walking and I have a plastic smile.
I have diverted my attention cracking through UPSC prelims in my first attempt and also hopefully mains too.. I have often felt vengeful, anger and frustration. I have felt snarly. But I can never bear to harm anything my beautiful has or loved. I will continue to live with her memories hoping that someone will come in future and wipe those memories clean. I hope someone pulls me out of the mess I am in. There is something which pushes me away from every women I meet so that I now often end up in friends or brother zone rather than the lovers zone :P
I have actually lost the ability to indulge in sweet talk and making women feel comfortable.. All any women gets even if they speak politely is a gruff yes, no or similar single worded reply. Not that i hate them but it is just that they bring me back to my beautiful.
My beautiful I have never loved anyone like i loved you.. But as you were not destined to be mine nor I yours..well we broke up amicably.. But there is a large space in my heart that became empty. Surely someone will come to fill the spot up. I just hope that they don't find it too untidy or cluttered with sadness and madness :)
Taking Leave and hopefully finding a way to write optimistic posts again .
